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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22956526">Two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aethershine/pseuds/aethershine'>aethershine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Can you fix things from the other side?, Canon Related, F/M, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Post-Canon, what could go wrong?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:20:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,181</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22956526</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aethershine/pseuds/aethershine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He holds out his hand.  She looks down at it.  It always comes to them reaching for one another in one way or another.  Reaching to grab and gain control.  Reaching to strike with a laser sword.  Reaching to test a boundary or lack thereof.  She takes his hand, but then pulls him to her in an embrace.  They release their hands and wrap their arms around one another, her cheek to his chest, his mouth to the top of her head.<br/>It is strange to hold Ben.  The physical sense memories of their various battles are still very real in Rey’s mind.  She remembers the focus and ferocity with which she attacked him and the brutality that answered her every blow.  The hands and arms that hold her so gently at this moment have barraged her with killing blows a hundred times.  Blows that she returned with equally vicious intent.  But since the moment she sensed his presence on Exegol, she’s felt nothing but affinity for him.  That he is on her side is an unassailable truth.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey &amp; Ben Solo, Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The title is taken from a favorite quote by Rainer Maria Rilke.<br/>Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>He feels her body hit the ground through the rock wall he clings to and the dyad collapses into him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Must go faster. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Handhold over handhold he climbs to the surface to find it is shattered into dust and darkness.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He trip-crawls to her side, broken bones be damned.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Once black and white, they’ve both turned grey in this ruined place.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Strength draining, he clutches her, drawing her to his body.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He looks down into a face he knows as well as his own and he finds her blankly staring.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Panic rises, sapping him further, and he looks around. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>For what?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Enemies? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Help?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Someone to tell him what to do?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Holding her, imagining what the galaxy will be like without her, and not just for him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, but he knows what to do.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He settles his hand against her and directs the dyad energy into her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>An energy that has a power over life itself, Palpatine said. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And he gives it all, holding nothing back.  He gives himself no quarter. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He feels himself fading, death dragging him to an edge he can’t escape.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But she is not waking.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It is as if he is pouring himself into an empty vessel that is bottomless.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>With his last bit of strength, he clutches her to him, and then collapses into darkness.</em>
</p><hr/>
<p>-Finn-</p>
<p>
  <em>Rey.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rey. </em>
</p>
<p><em>Rey. </em> </p>
<p>It is a mantra I repeat again and again as I try desperately to find the ember I know is here in the wreckage. Chewbacca trails me closely even though I told him to stay with the Falcon.  I know why he’s here. </p>
<p>He can’t lose anyone else.</p>
<p>“Is she alive?” He barks, and the break at the end of it strengthens my resolve. </p>
<p>
  <em>I’m not leaving here without her.</em>
</p>
<p>“Chewie, I’m trying,” I say through gritted teeth.  Gritted with cold and hatred of this place, as debris from fallen ships still rains down from the sky, the air filled with ash and smoke. </p>
<p>I know I’m Force sensitive, but it just isn’t enough.  I know she is here, but this place is huge and broken. </p>
<p>The comm static startles me.  It has to be Lando checking in.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” I answer blankly, not willing to be called back to the ship. I know it is dangerous here and I know the sky is falling, but I’ll be damned if I leave Rey in this place when I can feel the barest sliver of her light. </p>
<p>“Finn, it’s Jannah,” she states and then says nothing. </p>
<p>Lando obviously thinks this tactic will work. Have the woman ask...she’ll be able to talk some sense into me.  But neither of them has any idea.  They have no idea what Rey means to me or how far I will go.  I will excavate this entire planet to find her if I have to -</p>
<p>And then she is here.</p>
<p>I round a corner, entering a strange chamber that is both massive and demolished as if something detonated within its walls.  The place has an evil feeling to it.  Cold things with clawing fingers lived and plotted and <em>took</em> and died here.  I shudder, but then my eyes trip over a pair of feet on the ground and I shout. </p>
<p>“Chewie!”</p>
<p>He is at my side before I can take another step.  I suddenly feel immobilized.  What if I walk around that corner and find her dead?  Part of me knows she’s not because I can kriffing <em>feel her</em>. But I am still very afraid. </p>
<p>Chewie nudges me from behind. </p>
<p>“We have to help Rey.  No matter what,” he says in a melancholic purr and I know exactly what he means.  If she’s alive we save her.  If not…we take her home.</p>
<p>I step around the corner, steeling myself for the worst...and come up short so fast that Chewie walks into the back of me.  The sight before me is...so...very...strange.  And wrong.  So wrong. </p>
<p>Because I haven’t just found Rey.  I have also found Kylo Ren. </p><hr/>
<p>-Rey-</p>
<p>She wakes up on the ground surrounded by mist that is so dense she can barely see a few inches in front of her.  Slowly she raises her upper body off the ground using her hands for support.  She looks around, trying to ascertain where she is but she sees nothing, and as if to prove that point to herself she waves her hand about six inches away in front of her face and can barely make out her own fingers. </p>
<p>“Great,” she sighs heavily, getting to her feet.  She looks around, taking a few steps in each direction, trying to get a feel for where to go, but she can’t even see her feet for goodness sake.  How is she supposed to go anywhere? </p>
<p>“Hello?” She calls, having no idea if she will be answered. She is unsurprised by the resounding silence. </p>
<p>She stands still for several minutes gathering all her other sense powers in addition to the Force to try to push through and reach out.  As she stands there doing this she is suddenly struck by a thought and it stops her cold. </p>
<p>
  <em>This isn’t where I was.</em>
</p>
<p>She was in a throne room.  She was in a battle with Palpatine.  And she’d won!  She feels a jolt of exhilaration at that realization, but it is quickly undermined by her very clear memory of dying.  She remembers the sensation of the Force leaving her body.  Her last memory is of the dyad being ripped away and then all was darkness.  She looks down at her body.  From what she can make out she is completely whole and unmarked.  Her clothes aren’t even wrinkled or dirty from laying on the ground.  She places her hands on her chest, but finds no injuries.  No scorching, no pain.  Nothing.  But she had been burned there by Palpatine’s lightning as he ripped the dyad energy from her and --</p>
<p>“Ben!” She cries, spinning around in the fog, suddenly feeling very much afraid.</p>
<p>She is met with silence. </p>
<p>“Ben!  Are you here?” She calls out, wanting to move around to look for him, but also afraid to move away from the spot where she had awoken.  She has an odd feeling that she is supposed to wait here for some reason, but for what she doesn’t know. </p>
<p>She tries to still herself. Closing her eyes, she takes several calming breaths.</p>
<p>
  <em>Be with me.</em>
</p>
<p>When she feels her panic recede, she starts to think about what she <em>thinks </em>she knows.  She knows she is almost definitely dead. She knows she is someplace that is not the throne room and that she’s never been here before.  She has a nagging feeling that she shouldn’t leave the spot she is in. </p>
<p>What she does not know is whether Ben is alive or dead.  She had not felt him die when he fell.  She also recalls the sensation of the dyad being pulled away from her at the moment of her death, so she assumes that it either disintegrated or returned fully to him.  If it returned to him, he might still be alive. </p>
<p>This thought makes her feel oddly ambivalent. If he lived that was a good thing, right? So why did it make her feel lonely and a little bit jealous?</p>
<p>She sighs, chalking it up to the dyad and to their intense and contentious relationship.</p>
<p><em>But he stood by my side at the end.  We were...friends, maybe. Maybe more?</em>  She shakes her head.  It doesn’t matter now.</p>
<p>“I’m alone,” she whispers, and the first cracks in her armor start to appear as she gives in a little to her growing sense of despair. </p>
<p>“No. You’re not,” says a warm voice.</p><hr/>
<p>-Ben-</p>
<p>Ben wakes up with his back against a tree.  He sits blinking for a full minute trying very hard to remember where he is or how he got here.  He looks around at his surroundings and finds himself to be very confused.  He is in a forest of enormous trees that stretches high into the air and is surrounding him for as far as his eyes can see.  There is something comforting about it and yet also unnatural.  It is completely silent.  No rustling breeze or creak of branches.  The place is utterly devoid of sound.  That is until he hears his mother’s voice.</p>
<p>“Hello Ben.” Her voice is every bit as dry and reticent as it’s always been. </p>
<p>She walks out from behind a tree, wrapped in white robes that trail her, and he sees her as he never had in life.</p>
<p>She is still very much his mother, but she has aged.  It has the effect of softening her and making her seem somehow less than who she was the last time he saw her.</p>
<p>But Ben knows his mother.  If anything, she has grown more formidable as she’s aged.  Which is saying something. He quickly gets to his feet, not wanting to seem rude and provoke a fight. </p>
<p><em>If fighting is even allowed here</em>, he thinks to himself vaguely.     </p>
<p>“Mother,” he says quietly, his voice cautiously neutral.</p>
<p>She approaches him slowly but ends up standing very near to him, so that she must look straight up into his face.  He gets a better look at her and he can see that he was right.  Her eyes are burning just like they always had. </p>
<p>She surprises him when her lips hitch into a small smile.</p>
<p>“Your hair had gotten very long,” she says soberly. “I always liked it when you wore it more like your father’s.”</p>
<p>He must suppress a gasp. </p>
<p>
  <em>Can’t think about that now.</em>
</p>
<p>“Yes, well I’ve been busy,” he stutters with the sudden feeling that he is forgetting something very important.</p>
<p>“I know you have,” she chuckles, “Ruling the galaxy for a minute there.  And then…”  She trails off and looks at him pointedly.    </p>
<p>“Yes...yes...and then,” he falters, looking away from her and finding himself at a total loss for words as he struggles to remember the very important thing.  <em>That was very important</em>. </p>
<p>
  <em>Kriff, what was I doing? </em>
</p>
<p>“I was on Kef Bir.  And I saw dad.” His voice hitches but he doesn’t stop. There is something more important he has to get to.  “I left there and went to Exegol...to find Rey...to help her kill Palpatine!”</p>
<p>His eyes widen in panic.  His mother merely nods.  The rest comes out of him in a rush. </p>
<p>“Palpatine used us to regain his strength and he threw me into a ravine.  Rey fought him and she won.  But she died!”  He feels a sob rise in his chest as tears run down his face.  “And I tried to save her...I tried so hard to use the dyad’s Force energy to heal her and bring her back.  Because the galaxy needs her! But I wasn’t strong enough...I couldn’t give it all to her. I died. I failed.” </p>
<p>His mother comes closer still and reaches up to cradle his cheek, so much in the same way that his father had that Ben’s heart breaks in his chest.</p>
<p>“No son,” she says gently, rubbing a tear away from his check with her thumb. “You didn’t fail. Rey isn’t dead.” </p>
<p>He gasps and the tightness in his chest lessens considerably.</p>
<p>Leia’s momentarily soft gaze changes.  She looks dryly bewildered when she says,</p>
<p>“And guess what kiddo.  Neither are you.”</p><hr/>
<p>-Finn-</p>
<p>Chewy and I have gone over the problem in every way we can. </p>
<p>The comm has been buzzing on my shoulder for over an hour with everyone first asking and then telling me to return to the Falcon.</p>
<p>But I can’t.  This situation is nuts and it is totally beyond me. </p>
<p>When I found them, they appeared to be holding onto one another which was unsettling on multiple levels.  Chewbacca seemed equally unnerved.  My first instinct was to separate them, to take Rey and leave Kylo behind like the space trash that he is. </p>
<p>And that is when things got really messed up. </p>
<p>Because when I tried to separate them, the tiny ember of light I’d been picking up on from Rey started to <em>go out</em>.  And the little bit of life that I was able to ascertain still existed in her using my med pack analyzer took a plunge into darkness. </p>
<p>On a total whim I pushed them back together again, and amazingly the light came back and she stabilized to her previous near-death state as opposed to the hairsbreadth she had been from actually dying only moments before. Chewy and I tried separating them one more time just to be sure, but to the same effect.  </p>
<p>After much deliberation and literal hand wringing, we decide we have only one course of action.  I get on the comm. </p>
<p>“Lando,” I say, sounding much calmer than I actually feel.  He responds almost instantaneously.</p>
<p>“Finally, kid!  Did you find her? I want to get off this planet right now. We’ve got to regroup with the fleet on Ajan Kloss.”</p>
<p>“Yeah...about that.  We may need to put that off for a bit until we can figure some stuff out,” I answer heavily.  “Can you and Jannah come out here?  We are going to need help.  And can you bring two stretchers?”</p>
<p>“Two? What’s going on kid?” Lando asks. </p>
<p>“I really don’t know,” I answer quietly.  “But it's not good.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-Finn-</p>
<p>We stand in a group, looking down at the ground in silence.  The scene before us is bizarre to say the least.  Rey and Kylo Ren are laying in front of us on the floor of the Falcon, side by side, for all intents and purposes looking dead.  I tried to put them together in a bunk, but the man is so big that the only way Rey would fit was <em>if I put her on top of him</em> and I was having exactly none of that.  I settled on moving the mattresses from two bunks to the floor and laying them on them.  I have Rey hooked up to my med pack analyzer and after some maneuvering, I discovered I could separate them by about two feet without her readings starting to plummet. <em> But</em> she did seem to do better when they were closer together <em>and</em> had the strongest readings when they were actually touching which is...just...great.  I tied their feet together in case things get bumpy in space.  I’m considering tying their arms together, but I can’t quite seem to bring myself to do it. </p>
<p>“What is going on?” Lando asks incredulously. “Is that really Kylo Ren?”</p>
<p>I look down at the man lying at my feet and I want to kick him.</p>
<p>“Yup, that’s him alright. I saw him on Kef Bir and I’ve also caught some random sense memories from Rey once or twice,” I state feeling suddenly drained. “Plus look at him.  Doesn’t he look like a bad guy?”</p>
<p>I’m met with silence until Lando says quietly, “He looks like a kid. I remember seeing some holos way back when...but he was so young. Now that I take a closer look...he does look a bit like Han.” His voice trails off at the end.</p>
<p>“Yeah well he's not a kid. He killed Han in cold blood! Let’s not forget that, okay!” I exclaim, feeling my sanity start to fray. </p>
<p>Chewbacca grunts in agreement.  But I know what I saw today.  When I’d set them up on the floor, I’d given Rey bolsters and a blanket to try to make her as comfortable as I could.  When I left the room to look for more medical equipment, I returned to find Chewie putting a blanket over Kylo as well. </p>
<p>I’d said nothing, though it occurred to me that both Han and Leia would still be here if it wasn’t for their son. But who am I to judge if Chewie is feeling nostalgic about the last remaining piece of his lost friends?</p>
<p>Jannah asks hesitantly. “Sense memories? What do you mean?”</p>
<p>I sigh. I’m in no mood to discuss the Force right now because I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with the Force and its nonsense, but I forge ahead because I have a feeling it is going to be coming up a lot as we figure this out. </p>
<p>“Rey told me a few things about her experiences with the Force. I don’t claim to know what any of that is like. But I do feel things from time to time. Connections. And Rey and I are close. I could have sworn I felt her die on Exegol…” I trail off, reliving that terrible moment when I’d felt her light dim and then then go out. I clear my throat before continuing. “Rey had a lot of stuff going on before all this happened. Complicated stuff that I don’t want to talk about. But it was tied up with Kylo Ren, and when she’d talk to me, I’d get flashes of her memories of him.  Not images exactly, more like impressions.  It’s hard to explain,” I finish. </p>
<p>I don’t want to betray Rey’s confidence by telling them details about what she’s shared with me about the dark side and her pull toward it. It isn’t my story to tell. From the looks of the chamber we found her in, something big and bad happened.  She clearly had some kind of major confrontation and judging from the fact that Palpatine had vanished, my money is on Rey having something to do with that. I’d found two lightsabers on the ground near her and Kylo. </p>
<p>Oddly, neither of them was his. And where was his armor? </p>
<p>
  <em>Had they fought Palpatine together?</em>
</p>
<p>I want so desperately to dismiss this thought, but something in my gut, <em>probably the blasted Force</em>, is telling me I am right. </p>
<p>“What do we do now?” Chewie moans.</p>
<p>“I think,” I begin slowly, finally putting into words the fragments of my mostly unformed plan, “that we need to get the Jedi texts from Ajan Kloss. I don’t know if it will help me to understand what is going on, but it’s at least somewhere to start. Also, I want to talk to Maz. She is definitely in tune with the Force on some level.”</p>
<p>Lando is nodding his head. “So, we are going to Ajan Kloss.”</p>
<p>“No. I don’t think that is a good idea,” I state and point to the pair at our feet.  “If people see this, even if they don’t know outright who he is, it won't take long for them to put two and two together.  Especially if they knew Leia and Han in the old days. I don’t know what is going on with them, but I won’t take any chances with letting this make Rey look bad.  I won’t have it, not after everything we’ve been through together.   I think we should meet Maz somewhere and she should bring the texts.”</p>
<p>Lando looks less pleased with this answer but agrees. “Okay. I’ll get on the comm with Poe.”</p>
<p>“No!” I say quickly, and everyone looks at me. I hedge for a moment. “Poe has the weight of the whole republic on him right now. I mean, damn, we should all be there with him,” I trail off, looking at Rey.</p>
<p>
  <em>And he hates Kylo Ren.</em>
</p>
<p>My resolve solidifies. “This will be a distraction he doesn’t need right now.”</p>
<p>“So, what do you want me to do?” Lando asks in an exasperated tone.</p>
<p>“Rose,” I state, “I need to talk to Rose.”</p><hr/>
<p>-Rey-</p>
<p>“Master Luke!” Rey exclaims. Her relief is buoyant. “Where are you? I can’t see anything!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that’s my fault,” he answers gruffly.  Suddenly the mist disperses, and Rey is standing on what appears to be Ahch-To. She spins on her feet taking in the green of the land and blue of the sky.  Relief breaks over her as she hears the crash of the waves. When she sees him standing before her she smiles so hard that it hurts. </p>
<p>“I didn’t know what to think...what was that place? I felt so lost!” She looks at her master’s weathered face imploringly. </p>
<p>“Leia was right as usual,” he mutters apologetically. “I should have helped anchor you to a place at the moment of your arrival. When I got to...well...someplace like this place, I was traveling alone, so to speak, so my mind naturally took me to a familiar place to help me acclimate to the shift in my...uh, situation.”</p>
<p>Rey furrows her brow. “Master Luke, I don’t know what you are talking about,” she states. “Traveling alone? When you got to someplace like this place...where?”</p>
<p>“You’ll have to give me a minute on the traveling alone question.  But regarding <em>where</em>, when I died, I returned to a place that was my mind’s construct of Ahch-To for a time. I don’t know for how long of course, because things like time sort of lose their meaning.”</p>
<p>“So, I am dead,” Rey says softly, her eyes scanning the horizon. She concentrates on trying not to feel sad. “Well, I had a good death I suppose. Killing Palpatine. At least it has some meaning, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Luke says emphatically, but then starts shaking his head. “But you aren’t dead, Rey.”</p>
<p>Rey stares at him for a moment, unsure of what to say.</p>
<p>“What do you mean? I felt myself die.”</p>
<p>“Yes, and you did die, for a little while. And then things got complicated.”</p>
<p>He is silent and Rey waits for him to resume talking. She waits for close to a minute before she asks in an irritated tone, “Are you going to explain that last bit?”</p>
<p>Luke looks pained and a little abashed. </p>
<p>“Okay. But you are not going to like a lot of what I have to say, because the truth is that I don’t have a lot of answers for you about what is going on. As far as I know there is no precedent for what happened with you two, so for the most part we can only offer speculation at this point.”</p>
<p>“You two? We? What is going on?” Rey exclaims. “Are you talking about Ben? Where is he? Why are we…”</p>
<p>“Ugh, I am making a total mess of this. I really should have had Leia just speak to you both at the same time,” he sighs, running his hands over his beard before continuing. “This is what we think we know.  Are you ready?”</p>
<p>Rey nods emphatically with an aggravated look on her face.</p>
<p>“You know you and Ben are a Force dyad. When you died, Ben tried to bring you back by giving you the dyad’s energy. Except that apparently you can’t do that, at least not completely.  It may be because the dyad is all about balance, and the two of you create that balance together.”</p>
<p>“But when I died the dyad left me,” Rey states questioningly, a furrow forming between her brows.</p>
<p>“Yes, well, and again, this is all theory at this point, apparently natural death will cause the dyad to collapse in on itself and inhabit the survivor. But if that survivor tries to force it out, to give it all to the original partner...for some reason that we don’t understand the dyad energy doesn’t seem to want to do that.  It reentered you, brought you back...but not all the way back.”</p>
<p>“Sooooo...Ben tried to bring me back, but the dyad did something wonky so I’m not dead, but I’m not alive. Got that part. But you still haven’t answered my questions.  Who is “we”? And where is Ben?”</p>
<p>Luke eyes her reluctantly before continuing. </p>
<p>“Remember what I said about traveling alone?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Rey says apprehensively. </p>
<p>“Well, you didn’t travel here alone.  Whatever Ben did when he tried to bring you back seems to have affected him in a similar way.  He’s here...with Leia.”</p>
<p>“What?” The question leaves Rey’s mouth explosively, mostly due to her mounting number of concerns and questions about the situation she’s suddenly found herself in.  She is beginning to think that her master is in fact making a mess of explaining things and at the same time she feels a slight spinning sensation at the back of her head that she recognizes as being overwhelmed. </p>
<p>Luke starts to speak, but Rey raises her hand.</p>
<p>“Wait,” she says quietly, shaking her head. “I’m sorry Master Luke but I need a minute.” She walks away from him and looks out over the endless sea. </p>
<p>
  <em>Be with me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Be with me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Be with me.</em>
</p>
<p>She takes a few breaths. </p>
<p>
  <em>What was Ben thinking trying to bring her back like that?  He’s lucky he didn’t die!</em>
</p>
<p>The thought smashes into her like a fist.  She turns on her heel. </p>
<p>“Master Luke?”</p>
<p>“Yes?”  He approaches her, hands folded in front of him with an obliging look on his face. </p>
<p>“So all this,” she points to the sky, her wrist rotating slightly, “isn’t the netherworld?”</p>
<p>“No. We aren’t sure --,” but she cuts him off. </p>
<p>“And Ben,” she says through slightly gritted teeth, her tone dangerously calm, “has gotten himself stuck here trying to save me?” She wears a tight smile and takes a step toward Luke.  Of course, he holds his ground, but has the grace to look troubled.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Luke says, narrowing his eyes a little, like he’s trying to get a read on her intentions.</p>
<p>“I think it’s time we go see Ben and Leia.  Can we do that?” She asks, her voice struggling to maintain control.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Luke says. “Absolutely, let’s go see Leia and Ben...get this whole thing sorted out.”</p><hr/>
<p>-Ben-</p>
<p>“So where are we exactly?” Ben asks his mother for what seems like the tenth time.</p>
<p>Leia gives him a withering look. “The answer isn’t going to change, Ben. I don’t know yet. When I died, I came to on a plane of existence that looked like Alderaan when I was a child and when I’d adjusted from being a physical presence to pure Force energy, the illusion of being there just vanished and I found myself in the netherworld. But this isn’t that.  I don’t know what this is,” she finishes exasperatedly, flourishing her hand at the sky. </p>
<p>Ben is pacing and he can’t seem to stop.  It seems that movement is the only way for him to maintain any semblance of calm.</p>
<p>“And you and Luke decided it was best to speak to us separately?”</p>
<p>“That was our thought,” Leia says, irritation suffusing her tone.</p>
<p>“And why was that?” He asks, his own irritation making itself known even as his voice becomes quieter. </p>
<p>A knowing look comes into Leia’s eye.</p>
<p>“Okay, enough!” she snaps. “I thought we could help soften the blow, give you each a chance to process this situation without being…”</p>
<p>“What? Being what?”  He is really beginning to lose his temper.</p>
<p>“Overwhelmed by the other!” she exclaims. She takes a breath, appearing to find her center. She continues in a calmer tone.  “The two of you are so volatile. Every minute that you have ever spent in one another’s presence has been so fraught with emotion. I mean, Ben, you just rushed in and tried to give her the dyad. If it worked, it would have likely killed you.” When she looks at him it is with tears in her eyes.</p>
<p>His anger subsides when he sees his mother is so vulnerable, a state he rarely saw in life. When his parents argued she was alternately blazing and then glacial, her voice turning quickly to frost. She’d been gentler with him when he was very young, and the look on her face right now reminds him of those earlier times, before he grew into a sullen teen, scaring her and everyone else with his rages and his power. </p>
<p><em>But I was still me</em>. </p>
<p>He knows it's a childish thought, and unfair to be sure. He cast off Kylo Ren with Rey’s killing blow and subsequent healing, letting <em>that</em> past die in a fashion, but the visage still exists in him on some level, and he viscerally remembers becoming positively unhinged frequently as an older child. Is it fair to judge his mother for seeking to get him help from someone she trusted?</p>
<p>Ben shakes his head. It doesn’t erase the pain of abandonment he endured, but now that he has distance from both that time and Kylo Ren, he sees her for who she is. A mother frightened for her child, both then and now.</p>
<p>“So, you and Luke can manipulate the environment here?” He asks quietly.</p>
<p>“Yes. I thought this place would be calming...soothing. In case you were...upset or…,” she trails off. </p>
<p>Ben chooses to sidestep what he believes she’s implying. If he had responded less like himself and more like Kylo to being trapped in this strange state of semi existence with no clear path out.</p>
<p>“So, is it fair to say I can probably manipulate it as well?”</p>
<p>“I don’t see why not,” Leia answers cautiously.</p>
<p>“Good,” he says, closing his eyes and focusing on the only place he wants to be.  At Rey’s side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks to all who read and left kudos.  Special thanks to those who left comments.  It is all very appreciated.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Finn</p>
<p>Rose frowns at me via the holo as I relay to her everything that happened since the battle on Exegol.  While she reacts with horror when I tell her that Rey is injured and remains in a coma, I’m disturbed by her reaction to the situation between Rey and Kylo Ren.</p>
<p>“Huh,” she replies with an expression of curiosity, a little furrow forming between her eyes.  She is silent and looks off to the side. </p>
<p>“Huh? All you have to say is huh, when I tell you that I have to keep Rey next to that monster to keep her alive?” I feel lightheaded.  Rose is always so righteously indignant when things are messed up.  To see her have such a tepid reaction to a situation that I find untenable is disturbing to say the least. </p>
<p>“Finn, I know you are stressed, but don’t yell at me.  I’m trying to think…there are a few things that Rey told me.  I guess I just assumed you knew because she told you, or you could just sense it.”</p>
<p>I try to calm down.  What I need right now is information and I need to have a clear head to hear whatever Rose is going to tell me.</p>
<p>“I’ve sensed things about him from her, but none of it is clear.  Her feelings about him were very strong, but it always felt like chaos and anger and frustration…and disappointment, which is weird now that I think about it.  But so much conflict.  And darkness.  It was like he drew out the darkness in her.”  As I say those last words it feels like a breach of trust, like I’m revealing something bad about Rey that I shouldn’t. </p>
<p>Rose is nodding as I speak, and the look on her face is unsurprised, which makes me feel better about sharing this with her.  Like it is less of a break of trust between Rey and me.  When she starts talking, I can tell she is choosing her words carefully.</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to be upset when I tell you this.  I also don’t want to mislead you…there are things that Rey told me, but a lot of what I’m about to say I’ve pieced together from off-handed things Rey said, as well as some things I observed about her when she wasn’t really paying attention.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” I say slowly.  “Go on.”</p>
<p>“Rey told me once that she felt like she needed to build a wall in her mind to keep out Kylo Ren.  She mentioned that something unusual happened between them when she was away from us last year.  She didn’t go into too much detail, and she seemed kind of upset about it. Did she tell you any of this?” Rose looks at me then, and I can tell she really wants me to say yes, but unfortunately, I can’t.</p>
<p>“No, she didn’t mention it.”</p>
<p>Rose continues, “It sounded to me like they were able to communicate with one another somehow.  Even see one another when they were far apart.  She mentioned a time when she was on Ahch-To, that she saw a look on his face, and I didn’t know what that meant because it sounded like they were in the same room or something.  I don’t think she meant to tell me that because she changed the subject right away.  One time she made a comment about feeling just as lonely as him.  I got the impression that they were connected in some way.  She never outright said it.  And then there was the time…”</p>
<p>I watch Rose look down quickly, and I get the sense that she doesn’t want to tell me something.  The bad feeling I have about this whole thing reaches a crescendo, but I push her to go on anyway.</p>
<p>“Rose, it’s okay.  Just tell me.”</p>
<p>She looks back up and takes a deep breath.</p>
<p>“You know Rey.  She is so industrious…just reliably constant, you know. Always the first one up, the last one to bed.  Leia used to say you could set a chrono by her.  One morning she wasn’t around doing her usual things, so I went looking for her.  I found her in her quarters still sleeping and she didn’t look well, she was pale and sweating.  I thought she might be sick.  I was about to go to get help, and then I heard her say something.  It was quiet, but I heard it.  She said, ‘Ben I’m so sorry.  Please come this way.’  Or something like that.  Then she started to cry in her sleep.  I got scared, so I backed up and called her name from outside so she wouldn’t know I’d been there.  She woke up and I walked in.  She looked really upset and there was this look in her eyes, like she was lost.  I asked her what was wrong.”</p>
<p>Rose pauses and I can tell she really doesn’t want to go on, but it seems like she is willing the words to come out. </p>
<p>“’I was having a nightmare,’ she said.  ‘Someone I feel…he’s lost, and I can’t get him out.’  I asked her who, but she said she didn’t know.  She looked very shaken and I was afraid to push her.  But I started to put things together after that, about her and Kylo Ren.  I don’t know how or why, but they are connected. That connection must be why you have to keep them together. I don’t understand it, but that is what I think based on what I’ve seen and what you’ve told me.”</p>
<p>I look at her, and my heart feels leaden in my chest.  So, Rey’s feelings aren’t just conflict and darkness.  Some part of her cares.  Some part of her cares for Kylo Ren.  It makes me feel sick, and a bitter taste comes to my mouth. </p>
<p>“Finn.  It will be okay.  We’ll figure this out.  Maz is on her way, and she’s bringing the Jedi texts.  You guys will figure this out.”</p>
<p>“Yeah...,” I say and look down on the ground at Rey, wondering if I even know her at all.  “This is all going to go great.”</p>
<p>   </p>
<hr/>
<p>Ben</p>
<p>Ben is unsure how he arrives on the rocky windswept cliffs overlooking a vast ocean.  He closes his eyes to blink in the forest and when he opens them again, he appears here.  The first sensation he feels, before anything else, is the bond snapping into realignment.  It thrums like a cord pulled taut that connects everything that he is, mind and body, to a separate point that is not far from him.  His other senses catch up and he looks out over the water, hears the waves crash far beneath him, while at the same time he catches a familiar voice speaking. </p>
<p>“Get this whole thing sorted out.”</p>
<p>And then silence.</p>
<p>He turns and realizes that he is standing just a few feet away from Rey, who has just looked over her shoulder to look up at him.  Their eyes lock.  Ben feels what he felt for the first time on Kef Bir.  Completion and utter clarity.  It is such a relief that he lets out a sigh.  Rey does the same and for a while they just stand there looking at one another, as if they are the only two entities in the entire galaxy.  He reaches out a hand and she takes it in hers without hesitation.  The bond thrums again, more powerfully this time. </p>
<p>All is right and as it should be. </p>
<p>Until it isn’t.  Until Ben looks over Rey’s head and sees his uncle standing there with a bewildered look on his face.  Rey squeezes his hand a little, perhaps trying to redirect his attention, but all he can see is the man who he has feared and hated for half of his life. </p>
<p>“You knew he was going to be here,” his mother says, walking into Ben’s line of sight and standing next to her brother.</p>
<p>“Knowing you have to face something and actually facing it are two very different things,” Ben says, his voice quiet.  A dangerous sign.  Rey intervenes.  Without turning away from Ben, she calls over her shoulder. </p>
<p>“Master Skywalker.  Perhaps you could give us a little time.  There are things we need to talk about.”</p>
<p>Ben doesn’t break eye contact with his uncle.  He simply can’t slip the noose of betrayal and rage that seeing this man makes him feel.  Rey puts her other hand on Ben’s arm and turns to face the twins.</p>
<p>“Leia,” she says softly, her voice breaking a little at the end.  “I hate to ask this of you, because I am so happy to see you.  My heart is broken, and I want to talk to you…but I need time.  Can you please give us time?”</p>
<p>Ben’s attention is caught suddenly by Rey’s agony and all at once he is aware of the grief she feels over the loss of his mother.  It is different than his grief, which is all wrapped up in abandonment and guilt and lost opportunities.  Rey’s grief is uncomplicated; she feels the loss of someone she felt great affection for and held in high regard.  They had a deep friendship, albeit one that was informed by their rank in life both as Jedis and as soldiers in the Resistance.  Ben looks down at Rey and sees tears shining in her eyes. </p>
<p>His behavior is keeping her from being able to be with his mother.</p>
<p>“Go to her,” he says softly to Rey.  She looks up at him and when she does the tears spill out of her eyes and run down her face.  He wipes away one of the trails left on her skin with his thumb and nods at her gently. </p>
<p>Rey breaks away and almost runs into Leia’s open arms.  They stay like this for over a minute, no one speaking.  Ben chooses to look only at his mother and Rey, not giving his uncle an instant of his attention.  He knows he will have to eventually, but for now he just focuses on Rey.  He feels an unwelcome pang of jealousy as he looks at the two women and silently laments lost time. </p>
<p>Rey must sense it because she soon releases Leia with a kiss on the cheek and returns to his side. </p>
<p>It is Leia who speaks, Luke wisely choosing to remain silent.  “We will try to find out what we can.  You may be better equipped to find answers because you share the bond.  I don’t know what can be done from this plane.” She pauses, seeming unsure of how to say what it is she needs to say.  “You need to be careful.  I don’t know if things you accomplish here will have repercussions for your bodies on the physical plane.  I’m also concerned that there may be others who now know of the existence of the dyad.  They could come looking, and in the mortal realm you are very much defenseless right now.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean, others?” Ben asks. </p>
<p>“I’m not sure son.  It may be nothing.  A mother’s intuition.  I just can’t shake the feeling that somehow we are being watched.”</p>
<p>Ben reaches out and feels nothing, no sense of intrusion or danger.  But he doesn’t discount his mother’s warning.  Her feelings about things sometimes seem to transcend the Force, if such a thing is even possible, and he knew from a young age that when she had a feeling about something it was time to pay attention. </p>
<p>“Take care of one another,” Leia says.  She and Luke nod at them. </p>
<p>“Goodbye,” Rey whispers, even as they fade away. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Rey</p>
<p>Rey’s anger temporarily subsides the moment Ben arrives.  The reconnection of the bond is a relief not unlike the feeling of blood reentering a limb when the circulation has been cut off for an extended period.  Its essential rightness is something that Rey feels in the core of her mind and body.  To be near him, to touch him, it only intensifies the certainty of the lock that holds them together. </p>
<p>Leia’s arrival prolongs Rey’s distraction, as she is relieved beyond words to see her.  It is so hard to wrap her head around what this all means, and Leia’s presence is a consolation, however temporary. </p>
<p>Rey’s awareness of Ben’s rage toward Master Skywalker is a reminder to her that although Kylo Ren may be dead in a fashion, the parts of Ben that were the precursors to that persona are still very much in play.  He still possesses darkness, however tempered by his newly found balance. </p>
<p>When her masters finally depart, Rey takes a breath, turning toward Ben and attempting to assuage her own dark side by focusing on the fact that neither of them is actually dead.  Yet.</p>
<p>“Ben,” she begins, keeping her voice even and eyes averted.</p>
<p>“Hmm,” he answers, clearly distracted by something.  Otherwise he would feel what is coming. </p>
<p>“What the kriff were you thinking using the dyad to bring me back? Did you not think about what could have happened?  You could have killed yourself!  You very possibly have!”  Her control leaches away with each word so by the end Rey is shouting, though she has tears in her eyes. </p>
<p>Ben is speechless.  She senses confusion and a mounting defensiveness.  This was not what he expected.</p>
<p>He begins haltingly, “You didn’t deserve to die.  I couldn’t just do nothing…you gave everything to save the galaxy from Palpatine.  I was just supposed to accept that and walk away?  Are you out of your mind?”  Unlike Rey, his voice has grown lower and softer with every word.  But this is the paradox of Ben Solo and Rey knows it better than anyone.  The quieter he gets the more dangerous his words.  And the more manipulative. </p>
<p>They face one another now, and Rey is angry with him, she really is.  But there is tension that she cannot name that feels like it is pulling her in another direction, and it takes her a minute of glaring into his dark eyes to realize what it is.  When she understands, it pulls her up short. </p>
<p>“What is it?” He growls.  He matches her stance so that they are squared off glaring at one another, and everything about this is so familiar, the two of them facing off, getting in one another’s space. </p>
<p>“I’m furious at you for risking your life,” she begins and stops, gaining control of herself finally.  “But I’m also relieved and it’s selfish.  I didn’t want to die.  And even though we don’t know how this is going to play out I’m relieved it’s not over yet.  And…” She trails off, breaking eye contact and looking away. </p>
<p>He is silent.  She can sense he’s still angry for being yelled at for saving her life. </p>
<p>“And this,” she says softly, pointing back and forth between them, “I don’t know what this is.  The bond.  The dyad. I feel <em>grateful </em>that we get the chance to figure it out.  Because it feels…”  Words fail her.</p>
<p>“Like you belong,” he states.  She looks up and finds him looking a little abashed.  She imagines an admission of this caliber costs him, as self-reliance kept him alive.  It did her as well. </p>
<p>“Yes,” she whispers, looking up into his eyes, that do not look nearly as dark as they did a few moments before.  “Like I belong.  I’ve never belonged.  I’ve been accepted and cared for by your mother, by my friends.  But I never felt like I belonged.  I was always alone on some level.”</p>
<p>He holds out his hand.  She looks down at it.  It always comes to them reaching for one another in one way or another.  Reaching to grab and gain control.  Reaching to strike with a laser sword.  Reaching to test a boundary or lack thereof.  She takes his hand, but then pulls him to her in an embrace.  They release their hands and wrap their arms around one another, her cheek to his chest, his mouth to the top of her head.</p>
<p>It is strange to hold Ben.  The physical sense memories of their various battles are still very real in Rey’s mind.  She remembers the focus and ferocity with which she attacked him and the brutality that answered her every blow.  The hands and arms that hold her so gently at this moment have barraged her with killing blows a hundred times.  Blows that she returned with equally vicious intent.  But since the moment she sensed his presence on Exegol, she’s felt nothing but affinity for him.  That he is on her side is an unassailable truth.   </p>
<p>“Rey,” Ben says softly into her hair. </p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“We have to figure out how this dyad works,” he states, shifting to rest his chin on her head.  “It is possible that it’s the only way we get out of here.  Palpatine said it has power over life itself.  He was able to take it.  Why couldn’t we project it?  Use it against him?”</p>
<p>“I wondered the same thing.  We didn’t have much time to work on it.  Before Exegol we were…”  She trails off, not wanting to talk about their conflicts and break the spell of quiet between them which is comforting in a way she’s never known.  He must sense it because when he sighs, he settles around her a little more, leans a bit more into her.</p>
<p>“He was strong,” she says after a while.  “I’ve never felt power like that before. But in the end, I matched him.  Maybe it is because we were related.  Maybe it is because I had all the Jedi behind me.  I don’t know.  One thing I do know is that I knew you were still there.  I could feel you climbing up the side of the ravine and I felt the dyad.  It was still in play at the end.  I’m sure it has its own power.  We just have to figure out how to harness it.” </p>
<p>Ben pulls away slightly and looks down at Rey. She meets his gaze. “Where do we begin?” He asks, his mouth forming a crooked smile. </p>
<p>“You’re smiling,” she gasps, reaching up and touching his face, fingertips grazing his lips.  It is so intimate, but Rey cannot focus on that detail now.  “I’ve never seen you smile.”</p>
<p>“That’s because it probably hasn’t happened in a decade,” he states drily, but his lips quirk up at the corners even more. </p>
<p>Rey leans back to regard him, and he releases his hold on her so that now they are standing slightly apart, though her hand is still settled on his arm.  She is reminded of his father, but she doesn’t say it.  Not yet.  There will be time for that conversation, but there are other matters to focus on now.  For the moment she smiles back at him, and he blinks at her, looking a little stunned. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” he says quietly, “That is interesting.  Seeing you smiling at me is a little bit like looking at a sunrise.  No one has ever smiled at me like that.”</p>
<p>This admission has the effect of intensifying her smile and she squeezes his arm warmly.  She is starting to feel more than affinity for Ben as she recognizes the beginnings of true affection.  It is like she has known him forever, and yet he is brand new.  She shakes her head. </p>
<p>“Didn’t see this coming, did we?” She asks.</p>
<p>“Not like this,” Ben remarks enigmatically.  Rey is intrigued by his choice of words, but she says nothing.  Another time for that as well. </p>
<p>“I think we should start seeing what we can do on this plane.  See if we can push out of it at all,” she states.  “Master Luke told me Master Yoda and Master Obi Wan appeared to him many times.  Maybe we can appear to others as well.”</p>
<p>“But there are no Jedi left.  Who will be able to see us?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  The are a lot of people who are Force sensitive.  I think we can start there.  My friend Finn is as good a place to start as any.”</p>
<p>“Finn?” Ben asks.  “Do you mean FN21—”</p>
<p>“Don’t finish that sentence!” She exclaims, her eyebrows shooting up, and although she’s not really angry she feels very protective.  “He is a person! Not a number, not a Stormtrooper.  He is the best person I know as a matter of fact!”  She levels a look of indignation at him. </p>
<p>Ben backs up a bit, hands raised. </p>
<p>“All right, my mistake.  Finn it is.” His features are soft, but Rey can sense tension he is hiding.  She lets it go. </p>
<p>She sits down on the ground, crossing her legs. </p>
<p>“What are you doing?” He asks.</p>
<p>“I’m going to try to reach out. See what happens.”</p>
<p>He sighs and sits facing her, folding his long legs to mirror hers. </p>
<p>She regards him for a moment before reaching for his hands. </p>
<p>“Together then?” She asks.</p>
<p>He gives her hands a squeeze and smiles another crooked smile before saying, “Together.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Elsewhere in the Galaxy…</p>
<p>A tall, hooded woman enters a cavern cut into the side of a dark mountain.  Her footsteps are light so as not to disturb the creatures she feels slumbering in the depths.  The path is lit with the magick she holds in her palm, its energy crackling sharply along the outlines of the cave walls.  She follows a path she’s walked thousands of times to a doorway cut into the rock.  Upon entering she releases the light in her hand to charge several braziers, throwing illumination on walls covered in runes and drawings.  She comes to stop before an alter holding a large tome.  She opens the book and runs her finger along the runic writing inside. </p>
<p>She pushes her hood back, concentration etched deep along her sharp features, lips moving soundlessly as she reads the words, turning page after page.  She pauses, looking closer at the text, as a dark smile spreads across her face. </p>
<p>“Finally,” she hisses.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey</p><p>Rey isn’t exactly surprised by what happens when Ben takes her hands and they begin to focus on pushing out of the plane that they’ve found themselves trapped in, but she is filled with a feeling of awe that is unlike anything she’s ever experienced.  Back on Exegol, when Ben arrived and she felt his presence, there was a sync that occurred, but it was erratic, muddied by distance and the external circumstances they were both dealing with. </p><p>The sensation of synchronicity that she feels now as they sit on the ground on Ach-To is total.  There is a dual nature to the feeling, as she is separate from him.  She is reminded of a binary star system where two stars are close enough together that they maintain a center of mass between them.  She and Ben are separate but locked together.</p><p>“What is this?” She asks breathlessly.  “It is way stronger than on Exegol.  Do you think it is just because we are touching?”</p><p>He doesn’t answer for a moment, but when he does his voice is quiet.  “It is possible that physical touch has something to do with it.  It may have something to do with this place.  I’m not quite sure…”  He trails off, and Rey <em>feels </em>him pulling her into him, not physically, but mentally.  It is the exact opposite feeling of when he used to push into her thoughts and memories, something that always felt like a violation.  This feeling is not unpleasant in the least.  Rey wants to allow herself to fall completely in, and she starts to let go of herself bit by bit, until it feels like she is unraveling.  There is no sense of danger.  It feels like coming home.      </p><p>All at once she opens her eyes, and she is no longer on Ach-To.  She is on a planet that she does not recognize, standing next to Ben as he looks at the burning wreckage of what was once a dwelling of some kind.  Burning debris is scattered everywhere as if something exploded.  Ben regards it calmly and looks down at her, a sad smile on his mouth.</p><p>“Before we went any further, I wanted to show you this.”</p><p>“Ben, you don’t have to—” She begins, but he cuts her off.</p><p>“No.  I have a lot to answer for.  We may never get out of here so I may never be put on trial or judged.  But I’m less concerned with the judgment of others than I am with yours.”</p><p>She starts to speak but he shakes his head and raises a hand.  The gesture is gentle and beseeching.</p><p>“Just let me, Rey.  Please.”</p><p>It is the <em>please</em> that does it.  Rey thinks of another time when he pleaded with her, and at that time she knew in her heart she must refuse him.  But she doesn’t have any reason to say no now.  She simply nods at him. </p><p>He smiles a little then, just a small crooked line on his mouth and he nods, looking back up at the wreckage. </p><p>“This is when I knew,” he says softly, breathing a sigh.  “As I stood here and watched the temple burn, I knew that I could never go back to being Ben Solo.  I didn’t know yet who I would be or how I would become him, but this was the moment when things felt inextricably altered.”</p><p>Rey is silent, not wanting to break the spell.  Despite the bond and everything she knows about him based on her own invasions into his mind, she’s never seen him be voluntarily vulnerable.  She is struck again by how much he looks like his father. </p><p>“There are things I could show you, scenes from my childhood that might make some things clearer about my relationship with my parents.  To be honest it would be rather tedious.  We were a family and we were complicated.  I had friends at the Jedi training temple, and I knew from talking to them that most families are complicated.  What made my family worse was the problem of power…who had it, who didn’t, and who had too much of it. </p><p>“My father,” Ben begins, but his voice cracks and he stops to clear his throat.  Rey looks at him and she can see his eyes are shining.  “He tried really hard when I was young, and I remember being with him a lot.  Their marriage was complicated, and mom was very busy with the Senate, so he took me away with him and Chewie on the Falcon for days at a time.  The two of them are who I remember the most from my early childhood. </p><p>“But it was Mom who came through for me when I started to exhibit signs of being Force sensitive.  I was very young, and sometimes the things I could do scared me, but she was so calm, so gentle.  She tried to instill in me the idea that I was the one making decisions, that mistakes might happen, but that nothing terrible would happen because I was good, and therefore I’d make good choices. </p><p>“Which seems like a perfectly reasonable thing, a good thing even, to tell a child.  The trouble was that I started to have these doubts.”</p><p>Ben stops talking.  Rey is quiet at first, unsure of whether to prod him on.  She walks to stand in front of him and takes his hands.  He looks down at her, his eyes no longer shining.  They are dry, and the look in them is ancient, full of aching regret.</p><p>“I know now that the doubts were put there.  I don’t know how Palpatine accessed my mind, or why he found it to be so fertile.  I only know that at first, I began to doubt my goodness, and then I began to doubt my parents.  And then at some point when I was just past my fifteenth year, a voice started speaking to me.  It should have frightened me, but it didn’t.  By that time, I was so isolated from my parents that it was a relief that someone was talking to me at all.  And the voice told me things I wanted to hear, that it didn’t matter if I was good, that all that mattered was that I had the power, the same power as my grandfather’s, and I was meant to be his heir.”</p><p>He takes a shaking breath and looks down at their clasped hands and gives hers a little squeeze. </p><p>“You know the rest.  Mom and dad became frightened of me.  Mom wanted to send me to Luke and dad was against it.  Their already troubled marriage fractured…mostly because of me. So, I ended up with Luke and the voice in my head grew louder, and I came to know its name.  Snoke became my confidant, my advisor.  Ultimately, he became my handler.”  He heaves a long sigh.  “And then I ended up standing here, looking at this fire and believing that all my choices were made.”</p><p>His face has gone dark, and it is Rey’s turn to give his hands a squeeze, prompting him to look at her.  His eyes are lit by the fire, and she has a strange disconnected thought, about how she isn’t entirely sure what color his eyes are.  They always appeared so dark to her in the past.  Now they look brown, with flecks of gold and green.  Strange, she thinks, how many times she’s looked at him and never noticed this about him.  But then, she muses, we are often blind to what is happening right before us.  She wonders how he was so blind to his own power, not Force-derived power, but the power that every being possesses, that which enables them to just walk away.  But then she is pulled up short.  She was no different.  She could have walked away on Jakku, but she didn’t.  She allowed herself to be held in place by a hope that was never to be fulfilled.</p><p>“We got stuck,” she says randomly, shrugging her shoulders. </p><p>His brow furrows, but he doesn’t say anything. </p><p>“I’m going to take you somewhere.  Will you let me take you?”</p><p>“Sure,” he answers, giving her a small nod. </p><p>Rey focuses on Ben’s eyes.  She is still holding his hands.  In her mind, she leans back as if to pull him toward her, but her body doesn’t move.  She feels something snag heavily inside of her, as if she has caught onto something that is moving past her and when this happens, Ben’s eyes slide shut.  She leans further back, pulling on the heavy weight of his consciousness, until she feels a balance start to tip so that he is slipping toward her.  He doesn’t resist the pull at all, and she is conscious of his relief as he is drawn into her mind. </p><hr/><p>Ben</p><p>Ben is aware of heat.  When he opens his eyes, he is staring out across a desert, it is late dusk, the sun all but gone from the horizon, but the heat trapped in the sand radiates up from the ground.  Rey is to his left, and to his right is a collapsed AT-AT. </p><p>“Jakku?” He asks, turning his attention to Rey. </p><p>She nods and looks off toward the fading sunset, its rays lighting her face like fire. </p><p>“For a long time after I left, I wondered why I didn’t just walk away,” she muses in a quiet voice.  “I was in pain, quite honestly.  Starving.  Alone.  I was strong, and it was what kept me alive, but it wasn’t living.  When I listened to your story I wondered, why did you stay trapped in an identity that caused you such misery?  Why didn’t you just walk away?  But then I realized.  We were both stuck.  Walking away wasn’t really an option.  We needed to break away, and we needed help to do it.”</p><p>He catches the thought and asks, “Who helped you break free?”  He watches her smile widely and it lights up her face in a way the sunset never could. </p><p>“There were a lot of people, but Finn was the first.  Finn just showed up one day like he fell from the sky and he changed everything.  It all happened very fast and it didn’t seem like I was making any choices, just reacting, but that isn’t really what happened.  I made one choice after another, one step after another. After Finn, it was Han and Chewie, and then Leia.  Master Luke as well.  But Finn was the one who helped me break out.”  Her smile changes, becoming smaller and more thoughtful and she looks down, as if savoring a memory.</p><p>Hearing her describe Finn as her liberator with such obvious affection, causes Ben to feel uneasy.  He is aware that trying to hide this from her is pointless due to the bond, so he does the only thing he can think of to do. </p><p>“Did you fall for him?” He asks apprehensively, hoping that she can’t hear it in his voice. </p><p>If she can she has the grace not to say anything.  Instead she appears to be thinking about his question, her smile fading as she shifts her eyes to stare far off at another point on the horizon.  When she finally speaks, her tone is contemplative, as if she is thinking these things through for the first time. </p><p>“I wasn’t sure at first.  There was no precedent in my life.  I had met men who came to trade of course, but never a young man who was close to my age.  And Finn was so exciting, so dashing.  But when we first escaped Jakku, I was so busy being in the adventure and jumping from one moment to the next that I never really gave Finn my full attention in that way.”</p><p>She pauses and seems to measure her next words very carefully.</p><p>“I’d never given anyone my attention in that way, until I saw you in that interrogation room.”  Her breath picks up, and suddenly he can <em>feel</em> her remember her rage. “I hated you.  I really did.  I was brand new to the rebellion, not even really a part of it yet to be honest, but I already knew which side I was on.  And you, in that mask…I despised you and everything you stood for.”  As she says the words, her hazel eyes light on him, and he can see she is shaken slightly by the memory.  Her brow furrows and her lips part.  He wants very much to reach out to her, but he resists, as he can still feel the memory of her hatred coming off her in waves like flames. </p><p>She blinks a few times and her countenance changes.  Her brow smooths and she looks at him, locking eyes with him in a way similar to how she did in the interrogation room.  She whispers the next few words. </p><p>“But then you took off that mask…and I was just dumbfounded.  It was the strangest thing.  I still hated you…but there was something else.  I’d never felt it before.  It made me even more angry, if I’m being honest,” she states, her mouth holding the barest trace of a smile. </p><p>“The bond?” He asks, preparing himself to be disappointed, for her to say that is all there is between them.</p><p>“No,” she answers, her face now as open as an empty bowl.  He feels her want to protect herself, but in the end she surrenders.  “In the instant our eyes met, I felt something for you.  It would be easy to say that it was the bond, but it was both more and less than that.  Something more human, more vulnerable.”</p><p>She is quiet for a time.</p><p>“So, you asked me did I fall for Finn.  My answer is that any person would be lucky to fall for Finn.  But he isn’t meant for me, nor I him.  In that moment on Starkiller Base, despite everything, including that I was very much your prisoner at the time, I chose you as my equal.  It was instant and impossible and ineffable.  I found the whole thing rather unspeakable to be honest. </p><p>“It became clearer on Ach-To after I came to understand you a little better.  But during the months after Crait, it was…” She stops, gritting her teeth a bit.  “Terrible.  I was so angry and disappointed. I felt like I’d failed everybody!  The rebellion, your parents, myself, and, oddly, you as well!”</p><p>Rey breaks off and Ben can see that she is shaking a little, but he is reluctant to reach out to her.  She didn’t interrupt him when he was telling his story.  He will show her the same respect. </p><p>Finally, she continues.  “The anger I felt toward you was its own kind of dyad, its own other side of the coin.  And of course, you know I was having my own visions and doubts about myself.  I had visions of us on a throne together!   A Sith throne!  It went against everything I am, and yet seeing us together was so confusing because I knew that I felt something for you, no matter how impossible it was. </p><p>“When we fought, I would have killed you, you know that.  And when I did kill you,” she pauses and she is breathless, taking deep gulps of air as she tries to calm herself.  Tears fill her eyes as she looks at him.  One falls to her cheek, and he reaches up to wipe it away with his thumb. </p><p>“The timing with the death of your mother…I know it seems suspect, that I only saved you because of her.  But that was not it.  I finally killed you, and I yet I knew I could not live without you.”</p><p>She is shaking hard now, and he can no longer hold back, can no longer keep from taking her into his arms to comfort her.  Because this has been such a long, strange road and he doesn’t quite understand it himself.  He holds her and makes quiet shushing sounds, stroking her chestnut hair and rubbing the small of her back. </p><p>“You were the one who broke me free, Rey.  And I felt it too in the interrogation room.  It makes me sick to think about it now.  I was so used to being in control.  I still don’t know what made me take off the mask.  I fear we might be in a much different place right now if I hadn’t showed you my face.  But for some reason I wanted you to see me.”</p><p>They pull apart slightly and he leans down to rest his forehead on hers. </p><p>“We have to find a way out of this place,” he says quietly. “We have to live.”</p><p>He pulls back but keeps her close, allowing himself to look at her face, trailing his gaze from her downturned eyes to the soft contour of her lips, wondering what it would feel like kiss her.  But then he notices the little furrow between her eyes he stops this train of thought.  He can feel Rey’s anxiety for the future, for her friends, for the republic.  He knows Rey’s living reality will likely have very different concerns from his own.  For now, he keeps this knowledge to himself insomuch as is possible with the bond.    </p><p>Rey appears surprised when she looks up to find him looking down at her.  She starts a little and pulls back from the embrace.  He senses that she is overwhelmed, and he lets her go.  She catches his hand in hers before they completely separate. </p><p>“I want to take you someplace else.  Is that okay?” Rey asks. </p><p>“Where do you want to go?”</p><p>“Someplace we both loved,” she replies.  “Though it might be a little hard for you.”</p><p>Ben hesitates, but then acquiesces.  There are no easy places for him to go in the galaxy anymore.  “Might as well get used to it now.”</p><p>Rey looks at him as if she’s trying to figure out what he means, but then nods a little. </p><p>“We’ll figure it out Ben,” she states. </p><p>Ben feels Rey give him a little mental tug and when they open their eyes again, they are on the Falcon, sitting in the cockpit across from one another, Rey in the pilot’s seat, Ben in the copilot’s chair.  Ben looks around the space, a look of wonder and reverence on his face. </p><p>“Is it still?” He trails off, running his hand over the controls in front of him. </p><p>“Yeah, as far as I know,” she says grinning widely. “She’s a survivor.” </p><hr/><p>Finn</p><p>I’ve been pouring over the texts that Maz brought, trying my best to make sense of them, but most of them are like reading a crazy person’s journal entries.  I fear that the fact that I am not a true Jedi will prohibit me from being able to use them to figure out a way out of this mess. </p><p>Suddenly I hear Rey sigh on the ground, and she shifts while reaching for Kylo’s arm, pulling herself closer to him.  His head inexplicably turns in her direction.  And then of all things they turn toward one another, each positioning their bodies so that they are facing one another.  They do not seem to regain consciousness during this change, but they both move with intention.  Their arms wrap around one another and they each give another pull on one another’s bodies, further closing the distance between them. </p><p>
  <em>They want to be closer.  </em>
</p><p>Rey’s readings on the medpack analyzer skyrocket.  She is alive in a way that she has not been since I found her on Exegol, and yet my heart drops to a new low.  Something I did not think was possible.  I feel guilty, because of course I should want her to be better.  But not like this.  I shake my head.  <em>This is a nightmare</em>. </p><p>I walk away from them and head to the cockpit.  Not for the first time I wish Poe were here.  He wouldn’t know what to do, but he’d hate this as much as I do, and that would make it better somehow.</p><p>As soon as I enter the cockpit, I notice something is off.  I sense something.  It is a very faint energy signature, but I would know it anywhere. </p><p>“Rey!” I cry out.</p><p>And then the strangest thing happens. </p><p>From far away I <em>feel</em> her say incredulously, “Finn?”</p><hr/><p>Closer in the Galaxy</p><p>She is warned not to go, the hooded woman, but in the end, she decides that the benefits outweigh the risks. </p><p>“Sister, you don’t know whether or not this even is what you think it is.  It is something that hasn’t been seen for generations.  It has fallen into legend.”</p><p>“I am aware,” the hooded woman states drily.  “But the signs are there.  And I feel it.  Don’t you feel it?”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter what I feel.  We are safe here.  No one knows we still exist.  We can stick to the original plan, build our legions until we are strong enough again to bring a reckoning for what was done to us.”</p><p>“We need the physical forms of the dyad.  If we had them, we could magick ourselves into them, take the power, raise the dead. We could be a clan again. That alone will bring a reckoning.”</p><p>In truth she need not argue.  She outranks all and can do as she pleases.  In the end it is as simple as boarding a ship and entering the coordinates for a signal that calls to the core of her being.  She is coming to claim that which is rightfully hers. </p>
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